More Silly Stuff by E.

“Ketchup’s not for chicken mommy, it’s for hotdogs!”

“No puppies, don’t eat the grass…it’s cow food!”

“Don’t be bossy Mom!”  (He got in trouble for that one.)

While I was putting on my makeup, he came in the room and said, “What you doing, Mommy?  You colorin’ your eyes?”  The weird thing was, I had already done my eye makeup and was putting on blush.  Haha

We went swimming today and I had on big gym shorts.  When I got in the water they blew up really big, E said, “You go poopie in your pants Mommy!”

I love this boy with all my heart and Daddy does too.  It’s been one week today since E came into our lives.  We are so blessed!

This is a new book I got E, called “A is for Adopted.”

U- Unbelievable.  We wanted a baby for so long.  When you finally came into our lives, we were unbelievably happy!  What do you say when your dream finally comes true?  We’re so delighted.  We just don’t know what to do!  The feeling that we have is very hard to describe.  It’s unbelievable!  At last you’re here by our side!

Some Facts About My Kid…So I’ll Never Forget

When E wakes up he says, “Sun’s up Mommy!”

When E calls someone on the phone, it is always Simon.  He seems quite mad at Simon and tells him “No!”, and hangs up the phone.

E will say, “I love you daddy” or “I love you Mommy” out of the blue.

He says “I love my doggies, Mommy”, -20 x’s a day.

Whenever I say, “I love you E”, he says, “Thank You!”

He can say extremely large words like Rhinoceros and Aquarium.

Today he was acting crazy and wild and then turned to me and said, “settle down mommy”….I’ve never said that to him btw.

The second night he was with us he ran up and down the hall screaming, “the monsters are coming, the monsters are coming”!!!  Keira sat on a rug at the end of the hall and turned her head to the left and then to the right…never moving away from his failing self.  One day I will show ya’ll the video of this.  Hilarious.

E pooed in his pants today.  He has been having difficulties with going #2 and will hold it in for days (tmi, I know).  Anyways, he is on medicine and went in his pants.  He could tell I was upset (though I never shouted or anything) and said, “it’s okay mommy.”

E loves dried mangos, raisins, grapes, bananas, apples, watermelon, popsicle, applesauce, cheeseburgers, pb&j, mac n’ cheese, spaghetti, chocolate milk, goldfish, teddy grahams.

E has the kindest heart.  He is always checking on people making sure they are ok (mostly the elderly.)  He seems to sense if someone needs a hug.  He ran up to our 12 year old neighbor and hugged him for so long (Simon is this age), he also hugged his Sunday morning bible class teacher after she asked his name…a hug was his response.  He practically jumped over the pew to hug the elderly man that sits behind us.

E likes older children and seems disinterested in children younger than him.

I took E to a friend’s house the other day, I haven’t mentioned this friend or drove him by his house again.  Today when we were walking he said “that’s W’s house!”  It wasn’t, but did look similar.  I was just shocked he brought up his name after only meeting him once.

The other night I was reading a book to E.  This book is from the library and he has never seen it before.  The next morning he was on the beanbag reading it word for word.  He is only 3.  (I know he wasn’t actually reading, but had memorized it after one read)

He knows that eighteen comes after 17.

He’s obsessed with monsters and monster trucks.  He loves trains, especially Thomas.  He loves his Leap Pad 2 and calls it an Ipod.  Madagascar is his favorite game.  He loves Kung Fu Panda.  Panda and Tigress are his favorite characters.  He wants to watch his Curious George movies every day.

Today I bought him a pool, but all he could talk about was his watermelon and popsicles.

He talks so much everyday, I wish I could write it all down or remember more.

He hates the dentist.  He was fine with fingers in his mouth but didn’t want any foreign objects in there.

He is enamored with the moon.  He looks for it all day long.  He has a moon nightlight that he will not sleep without and he has “Goodnight Moon”, which was my favorite book as a kid.

Last one for tonight, he looks just like his daddy.

Today He Said

the words I’ve been dreading the most.  “I want to go to my other home”.  Shell shock.  Uhhh….”we ARE going to your home.”  “We ARE going to YOUR house to play with YOUR  puppies.”  I don’t know how else I could have responded?  The day before he would talk about going to his new home, in which I replied he was there.    He is aching.   Even though he calls us mom and dad I don’t think he believe we are his real mom and dad…yet.

Yesterday, out of the blue, he looked up at Jeff and said, “I love you Daddy.”  I couldn’t help but to cry a little.  After trying to start a family for so long, you sometimes think it won’t actually happen.  Like you are cursed, or maybe the devil is stopping you from having kids.  I don’t believe in curses, though I do believe in the devil.  It’s crazy how your mind thinks though.  Almost 9 years of being married and 5 1/2 of trying really gets you feeling kinda like it’s not going to happen.  Maybe I’m just a crazy lady with a wild imagination.  I don’t know.

I want this to be real so badly.  Does he really already love us?  After only two days?  Kids are honest and kids are observant.  Maybe he knows deep down how much we love him and he is reflecting that.  I want to celebrate when he talks to us this way, but then he will say stuff about his other home and I don’t know….  It’s a roller coaster.  And as my close friend who has adopted 2 children says, “adoption isn’t for sissy’s.”  Some things I can’t share on this blog.  There are things that only our closest of friends know about.  Other ups and downs and heartaches.  Maybe when more time has past I’ll be able to share.  Maybe not ever.  I want to do a post about “False Positives”…it’s a spin off of getting a false positive pregnancy test, but it applies to false positives in adoption.  We shall see.  It’s different with foster care.  I don’t think that happens usually.

The way foster care works is that a child is taken from their bio parents and given to the foster parents (us).  Over the next few months the state social workers look everywhere for family to put the children with.  The workers work with the bio parents for up to 18 months to get them to straighten out and get their life on track.  The workers say they can usually tell right off the bat if the parents are going to work with them to improve their lives so they can get custody of their kids again.  Relatives can step up at any time and say they want the children…even if they haven’t been heard of the whole 18 months.  While you are at home coddling your new baby, DHR is on the hunt for family.  You could even be told that there is a good possibility of you keeping the child.  If after 18 months the parents aren’t on board and no family has showed their face, the state works to terminate parental rights.  You might think that is the end.  Well, the parents can appeal the termination and then there is more waiting.  The difference with foster care is you KNOW from the get go, you are a temporary placement.  After all this is settled, you will be offered the option to adopt.  Some foster families only want to foster, if that is the case, they say no thanks and then the child will be place with someone on the list of potential adoptive parents.  We signed up to be foster parents, but also did the paperwork for a state adoption.  We were told that if we wanted to adopt a younger child it would only happen if we fostered that child.  After they go through the aforementioned process we would have that option to adopt.  But sometimes foster families say no…then we would have a chance to adopt, and not as long of a wait because the process has already happen.  Of course after all the running around the child would still be a little older because, after all, everything takes time.

Sorry it’s so wordy, but that’s how it works.

Daddy and Mommy and Baby #2

Mommy.  The sweetest word I’ve ever heard…and I’ve heard it about 237 times in the last day.  I love it.  It is surreal.  Three years old is a lot different from a year and a half.  Not in a bad way or a good way…just different.  Our Little Man came to us Wednesday at 6pm.  Our first night was difficult because Jeff had a speaking engagement and we got Little Man an hour before services.  I decided to keep him with me and attend our usual congregation.  He had already been to a GI doctor almost 2 hours away.

He did really good.  I stayed with him in bible class…I didn’t want him to think I was going to leave him right after I got him.  He asked to go home.  And then asked to go home, pwease.  I knew he was so tired.  Daddy didn’t get home until after bedtime.  Bedtime was a little rough.  I went to check in on him and the light from the hall woke him up.  Then he started crying.  I curled my body up on the teeny toddler bed and he wrapped both arms around my neck so tight!  I couldn’t even lay my head down.  Major choke hold.  His little face was squished up on mine and he was sweating and breathing in my ear.  Choke hold or not, I was choking back tears.  He called me mommy twice on the first night.  He also kept asking about Daddy.  You see, he got to meet daddy for about 10 minutes before Jeff had to leave.  Little Man was enamored from the first moment he laid eyes on his Daddy.  He followed him around the room, put his hand on Jeff’s arm, and when Jeff went to leave Little Man said, “where you goin”?  Haha…can’t sneak away from this one!

Boy, does he talk.  It is totally incredible.  He’s super sweet.  I know the first two weeks are always the easiest.  I know he is trying to please us.  I really hope he stays this way because he is incredible!

He knows so much.  Things that I would never imagine a three year old could know!  And he remembers everything!  I’m astonished and it’s only the first day!  He has said so many cute things today and I wish I would have written them down…I’m so utterly exhausted I can’t think straight.

Everything they say is true.  Boys are so different from girls.  He’s 90 to nothing all day long.  I wish I could bottle up his energy and sell it.  I’d be a millionaire.  He understands everything.  It’s so different having a baby that you can communicate with.  He says “I gotta pee pee mommy” and off we go.  “I want my milk-cup mommy”, “this is good mommy”, “thank you mommy”.  He is so polite and respectful.  He knows please, thank you, you’re welcome, yes ma’am, yes sir, and so on.  Then there is some saying about a 3 year old being like a teenager or some sort of connection.  I agree with that one too.  Again, mind blown!

This age is so fun, but I feel like I can’t keep up.  I feel OLD.  I know we are pushing 30, but really…should my body feel this way?  Momma’s got a new bedtime and it starts with a 9. 🙂

Closet Shelving Finished

We think the best thing for us is to keep busy.  Keep our minds and hands busy.  Until we get our next child, we thought we would get to work on some small projects around the house.

Storage.  Oh boy is it a great thing.  We could probably all say we could use extra storage.  I mean, you can never have enough!  At least that’s how I feel.  The closets are so small in older homes.  Ours was built in ’47.  If you look closely at the floor at the right side you can see the width of the old closet in our master bedroom.  There was just one in this room.  It was tiny.  There was another closet on the other side of the wall in the living room.  As you can see we busted the wall open in our room and closed up the closet in the living room.  Now, one biggish closet in the master.

Here is what we have left to do…

• finish staining the floors
• buy a router to make a threshold
• add a track system and some doors (thinking of making them from old barnwood) or panels from Ikea

Then the closet will be absolutely finished!

Here is what we have left to do in the rest of the room…

• tear down the wood paneling
• texture the ceilings and patch the walls
• paint
• new windows
• hang the new fan
• install wall sconces (Nautical from PB)
• add new plug outlets
• make headboard (I have the fabric)
• new rug
• new nightstands
• new dresser (or refinish old)
• hang curtains
• crown molding ?

You can see the focus hasn’t been in the master bedroom.  One room at a time.  It’s nice that we already live here and it’s functional.  I couldn’t imagine flipping a house before you moved in!

The wall color is a very light blue gray.  The bedding will be all white with some gray and cream chunky, knit throws.  The curtains are Indian cotton tablecloths with subtle pattern in cream.  I’m not sure if I want a woven grass rug or something more plush.  I want a nautical/type theme, but not overly nautical.  Our living room is an eclectic mix of old and new.  Our kitchen is modern and clean.  Dining will be sort of industrial/modern.  Nursery is vintage fresh.  Guest/boy’s room will be modern and clean.  I don’t want ours to stand out, but I want it to be sorta cozy and worn.  I love fluffy beds/rugs/pillows.  A sanctuary of sorts.

On to the pics!  Yay for handy hubbies.  I don’t know what I would do without mine!  I love him so much.  I promise he can do/make anything!

If you look to the right you can kinda see the light wood on the floor.  To the right of that is where the old door opening was.

 

And The Floodgates Open

I’m missing my baby girl.  They came to get her at 7:30 this morning.  She was so tired.  We went through our normal morning routine.  Got her up, potty, put her in the highchair with her milk, strawberry banana yogurt, and berry Kix.  She spit out the yogurt if there was a chunk of strawberry on her spoon, she also slipped the pups her Kix from time to time.  I changed her clothes, brushed her teeth, and we told her how much we loved her.  Before we knew it there was a knock on the door.  “But we need more time”, I said to Jeff.

There was nothing we could do.  We couldn’t stop it.  We couldn’t buy more time.  This is it.  Out of our home she goes.  Forever.  Our first child.  Our Little Bit.  “Try to stay strong”, I told myself.  “Do not let her see you cry”.  We put her carseat in the social workers car and gave her lots of hugs and kisses.  I told her she was going to live with her aunt and that she loved her very much.

We sent her on her way with a bible (that a friend bought for her), her favorite doll that she slept with every night, some small plastic balls, her bucket and shovel she won for reading 3 books from the Summer Reading program, and some gummy snacks.  I hope she remembers us and our love for her.

Last night I had arranged for me to leave around 9am for a new job taking care of an elderly lady from church.  I knew I would need something to take my mind off the pain.  I could not spend the whole day at home.

I’ve held it together all day…until I got home.  When I got home around 3:30, everything screamed a child lives here.  She literally had “stuff” in every room of the house.  Jeff tried to clean up this morning right after she left, I asked him to leave it.  I wasn’t ready to put it up.  I went around and took pictures of everything in all the rooms, so I could remember.  I don’t want to forget.  I love her so much.

I’m not writing this blog to make you feel sad for us.  I am writing this post for two reasons.  One,  so I won’t forget anything…even these feelings that are tough to swallow.  Two,  so you can see the whole picture of foster care.  It’s not fair to anyone reading this (that is considering foster care) to only see the bright side.  This is REAL.  This will happen to everyone that fosters.  You will lose your child.  It hurts, It’s not fun, but it happens.  You aren’t doing this for you.

Jeff and I feel kinda awkward.  It was like we were parents and now we are not.  Where is our baby?  I keep feeling like we need to turn the t.v. down as if she’s napping.  I keep wondering why she’s being so quiet…what is she getting into?  It’s such a strange feeling.

So, I want to post pictures of what I saw when I got home today.  Just so I can always remember.

First Animal Sound

Looks like baby girl is a cat lover!  After all this time chillin’ with the pups, her first animal sound was “meow”!  I first heard her say it when we were visiting a couple from church who had cats in their yard and she repeated us when we said “meow”.  Now when she sees a picture of a cat she does it!  So cute!

Just so we don’t forget about the pups, here are some pictures of her with them.  They are after all her best friends…even if she can’t bark yet!

 

 

Keira and Little Bit peeping out the window at daddy while he was grilling!  Little sweeties!

 

I think it’s so funny that most children have done this!

And in case you didn’t see this one on facebook…Little Bit put jingle bells on Keira’s back.  I went to take a picture and found out there were Cheerios on there too!

Just got the call, Little Bit is leaving us in the morning.  She’s going to live with a relative.  Just thought ya’ll might want to know.  Even though our heart aches, we know that it’s so much better now then down the road.  The longer we have her the harder it will be for all of us.  Please keep her and her family in your prayers.  She’s such a bright, wonderful, loving child.  I know she will be okay.

 

But I am a Real Parent!

I guess I’m just on my soap box today.  We’ve heard comments about “real parents” lately.  What are “real parents”?  How would you describe your parents?  How did you know they were your parents?  What did they do for you?

Did they tell you they loved you?  Did they show you they loved you?  Did they kiss your boo-boos?  Did they wipe your tears?  Did they get up in the middle of the night when you were throwing up or had a bad fever?  Did they make you feel all better?  Did they give you a warm bed to sleep in?  Did they fix you yummy food to eat?  Did they rejoice with you when you made good grades or learned a new word?  Did they teach you things, like how to ride a bike or make a PB&J?

Really?  Hmmmm…sounds like we are “real parents” too!

Just because you are a foster parent doesn’t mean you are not “real” or a “parent”.  Trust me, waking up at 6am is very “real”.  Having to find creative ways to discipline that really work is also “real”.  Dealing with the stress of parenthood and protecting your child is so “real”.  Wanting what is best for her and being her advocate is definitely “real”.  For some reason I don’t feel very “fake”.  I totally wouldn’t consider us to be “fake” parents.  What are we then?

I think this is even more hurtful when you have adopted.  I can understand the ignorance (sorta) of people when it comes to foster care.  No, she isn’t “technically” ours.  But for right now she is.  I don’t love her with a “fake” love.  I don’t see her as my “fake” or temporary daughter.  Thus, for now, I am Momma and Jeff is Daddy.

End of story.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T Their P.R.I.V.A.C.Y

I know this post is going to make me sound ugly and mean…but that is not my intention.  I know you are all very curious about the foster children’s history and background that we have in our home.  Up until this point we never really discussed if we would make this information public knowledge.  We have made it public knowledge (not on the internet), and I believe we were wrong in doing so.  Little Bit’s past is her past…not OURS.  First off, we aren’t given very much information in the first place, BUT what information we are given shouldn’t be ours to share.  Here’s why.

 

1. What is it profiting you to know her background?
2. Those are her parent’s sins/problems/issues, not hers.
3. It shouldn’t define her.
4. I don’t want anyone to judge her for the things her parent’s have done.
5. If we adopt future children, and you know their story, it will always be in your mind.
6. I don’t want my kids to have to live with that past following them around.
7. What matters are these children’s futures.
8. It should be confidential.
9. Maybe they don’t know what has happened to them, and the best time and place for us to tell them is not in front of you.
10. It’s our decision as their parents and we have to do what we feel is best.

 

This post is not targeted at one or two people.  Seriously, I think everyone has asked us about her.  I know no one means harm.  I know it’s all curiosity, or just the fact that you don’t know what to say to us.  That’s kinda the first question that comes to everyone’s mind.

 

If you have questions about foster care we would love to share information with you, we still don’t feel our children’s personal backgrounds is relevant.  If you take the 10 week foster care classes you will hear about a variety of cases that you might see and be involved in.

 

We are not mad or upset at anyone and we totally understand why you ask.  But please for the future, help us avoid an uncomfortable situation and don’t ask.  Especially in front of our children.

Thanks guys.