the words I’ve been dreading the most. “I want to go to my other home”. Shell shock. Uhhh….”we ARE going to your home.” “We ARE going to YOUR house to play with YOUR puppies.” I don’t know how else I could have responded? The day before he would talk about going to his new home, in which I replied he was there. He is aching. Even though he calls us mom and dad I don’t think he believe we are his real mom and dad…yet.
Yesterday, out of the blue, he looked up at Jeff and said, “I love you Daddy.” I couldn’t help but to cry a little. After trying to start a family for so long, you sometimes think it won’t actually happen. Like you are cursed, or maybe the devil is stopping you from having kids. I don’t believe in curses, though I do believe in the devil. It’s crazy how your mind thinks though. Almost 9 years of being married and 5 1/2 of trying really gets you feeling kinda like it’s not going to happen. Maybe I’m just a crazy lady with a wild imagination. I don’t know.
I want this to be real so badly. Does he really already love us? After only two days? Kids are honest and kids are observant. Maybe he knows deep down how much we love him and he is reflecting that. I want to celebrate when he talks to us this way, but then he will say stuff about his other home and I don’t know…. It’s a roller coaster. And as my close friend who has adopted 2 children says, “adoption isn’t for sissy’s.” Some things I can’t share on this blog. There are things that only our closest of friends know about. Other ups and downs and heartaches. Maybe when more time has past I’ll be able to share. Maybe not ever. I want to do a post about “False Positives”…it’s a spin off of getting a false positive pregnancy test, but it applies to false positives in adoption. We shall see. It’s different with foster care. I don’t think that happens usually.
The way foster care works is that a child is taken from their bio parents and given to the foster parents (us). Over the next few months the state social workers look everywhere for family to put the children with. The workers work with the bio parents for up to 18 months to get them to straighten out and get their life on track. The workers say they can usually tell right off the bat if the parents are going to work with them to improve their lives so they can get custody of their kids again. Relatives can step up at any time and say they want the children…even if they haven’t been heard of the whole 18 months. While you are at home coddling your new baby, DHR is on the hunt for family. You could even be told that there is a good possibility of you keeping the child. If after 18 months the parents aren’t on board and no family has showed their face, the state works to terminate parental rights. You might think that is the end. Well, the parents can appeal the termination and then there is more waiting. The difference with foster care is you KNOW from the get go, you are a temporary placement. After all this is settled, you will be offered the option to adopt. Some foster families only want to foster, if that is the case, they say no thanks and then the child will be place with someone on the list of potential adoptive parents. We signed up to be foster parents, but also did the paperwork for a state adoption. We were told that if we wanted to adopt a younger child it would only happen if we fostered that child. After they go through the aforementioned process we would have that option to adopt. But sometimes foster families say no…then we would have a chance to adopt, and not as long of a wait because the process has already happen. Of course after all the running around the child would still be a little older because, after all, everything takes time.
Sorry it’s so wordy, but that’s how it works.