I’m missing my baby girl. They came to get her at 7:30 this morning. She was so tired. We went through our normal morning routine. Got her up, potty, put her in the highchair with her milk, strawberry banana yogurt, and berry Kix. She spit out the yogurt if there was a chunk of strawberry on her spoon, she also slipped the pups her Kix from time to time. I changed her clothes, brushed her teeth, and we told her how much we loved her. Before we knew it there was a knock on the door. “But we need more time”, I said to Jeff.
There was nothing we could do. We couldn’t stop it. We couldn’t buy more time. This is it. Out of our home she goes. Forever. Our first child. Our Little Bit. “Try to stay strong”, I told myself. “Do not let her see you cry”. We put her carseat in the social workers car and gave her lots of hugs and kisses. I told her she was going to live with her aunt and that she loved her very much.
We sent her on her way with a bible (that a friend bought for her), her favorite doll that she slept with every night, some small plastic balls, her bucket and shovel she won for reading 3 books from the Summer Reading program, and some gummy snacks. I hope she remembers us and our love for her.
Last night I had arranged for me to leave around 9am for a new job taking care of an elderly lady from church. I knew I would need something to take my mind off the pain. I could not spend the whole day at home.
I’ve held it together all day…until I got home. When I got home around 3:30, everything screamed a child lives here. She literally had “stuff” in every room of the house. Jeff tried to clean up this morning right after she left, I asked him to leave it. I wasn’t ready to put it up. I went around and took pictures of everything in all the rooms, so I could remember. I don’t want to forget. I love her so much.
I’m not writing this blog to make you feel sad for us. I am writing this post for two reasons. One, so I won’t forget anything…even these feelings that are tough to swallow. Two, so you can see the whole picture of foster care. It’s not fair to anyone reading this (that is considering foster care) to only see the bright side. This is REAL. This will happen to everyone that fosters. You will lose your child. It hurts, It’s not fun, but it happens. You aren’t doing this for you.
Jeff and I feel kinda awkward. It was like we were parents and now we are not. Where is our baby? I keep feeling like we need to turn the t.v. down as if she’s napping. I keep wondering why she’s being so quiet…what is she getting into? It’s such a strange feeling.
So, I want to post pictures of what I saw when I got home today. Just so I can always remember.