Getting over Self, so You can be a Blessing to Others

My heart is bursting ya’ll!  Bursting!  Five, yes 5, of our teens have decided to put on Christ in baptism.  I am thinking about them tonight as they lay their heads down on their pillows with a clean slate.  I remember when I was baptized and how pure and clean I felt when I went to sleep that first night.  I knew Christ had taken all my sins away and washed me clean.  It’s an amazing feeling.  We are certainly rejoicing over here in the Stacy home for these new babes in Christ!  We are so excited about their journey and pray they will know we will always be here for them to lean on.

We heard an amazing lesson tonight for our last night of VBS.  It was about endurance.  Keep on keeping on.  There are so many trials in life.  Sometimes we get so swallowed up in our own pain and trials that we forget about others and their struggles.  I know personally I have a really hard time seeing past my issues that I forget to minister to others.  It’s so easy to wallow in self-pity when you are hurting.  We learn that we gain patience from the trials that we endure.  But we have to move forward.  Always.  We can’t stay in the past as Christians.

Christians are supposed to be happy and let their light’s shine so others may learn of God.  During our first few years struggling to conceive, I don’t think my light was shining very bright.  Infertility is hard.  It’s lonely.  There is so much strain on your marriage.  It was hard for me to put a smile on my face and face the world.  I’d honestly rather be alone.  Alone is safe.  It’s been 5 1/2 years.  I’d like to think that I have changed.  That I have grown.  That I’m a better person because of my trials.

I know a lot of you have messaged, emailed, texted, and called to share your stories with me.  I think of you often.  It’s really hard for me to get back in touch with each one of you, but you are on my mind.  Always.  I would never wish this path on my worst enemy.  I ache for you all.  I don’t have any words of comfort.  It’s a long, tough battle.  Please don’t be like me and forget that your friends and family are going through struggles and pain too.  It’s really easy to forget and focus on self.  Everyone has struggles and everyone is facing millions of little things and big things that get them down.  It helps if you get past your struggles so you can minister to them.  It’s not easy, but if you don’t do something you will keep sinking and sinking.

I felt “sunk” for a long, long time.  Bitter even.

I can’t go to baby showers.   It’s not that I don’t want my friends to be happy, it’s not that I’m not happy for them.  I just cannot handle baby showers.  Let me celebrate with you privately.  I just can’t hold it together.  I think  a lot of people who have never struggled to conceive get confused about things like this.  Those of us who cannot have biological children are honestly happy for you.  I’ve never been angry about a friend of family member who has conceived.  I know you might feel awkward around those of us who cannot, but we DON’T blame you for our reproductive problems!  We aren’t crazy or savage.  Oh, and we still love kids and babies!  It’s just hard, because we are sad.  It’s hard to handle all the emotions.  When you want your family to grow and you want to create this being with your soulmate, but no matter what you do you cannot.  You just hurt.  Friends and family, please don’t take this personally.  Also, don’t take it personally if we cannot make it to your baby showers.  Feel free to invite us, but don’t get upset if we can’t make it.  It’s a struggle to go down the baby aisle right now.

I’m off my soapbox.  This post was intended to be about blessings.  I am truly blessed.  We are truly blessed.  God has given us more than we deserve.

Thank you Dear Father for my baby boy.  What a precious gift you have blessed our family with.

The days are uncertain.  They are always uncertain.  But we know you have a plan.  A plan for our family.

Thank you for each day you have given us with this child.  Thank you for each smile, each kiss.  Thank you for his eyes full of wonder.

Thank you for giving us the ability to care and nurture him.  To teach him about your creation.  Thank you for 10 fingers to grasp his little hands.

Thank you for your church and your people providing us with a warm home to shelter him in.  Warm food to fill his little pot-belly with.

Clean water to wash his fine blond hair with.  I often think of your people in Guyana, South America and all the little babies down there.

They only had dirty well water, but their mommies kept them so clean and fresh.  I feel so blessed to be raising a child in America, where he will never go hungry or cold.

Oh dear God, thank you for letting me be your child.  I can more clearly see your love for me by my love for him.

I plan to teach him your ways Oh Lord and pray for him to always love your church.

Thank you.

No post is complete with out some pictures of our Little E!  We took him to his first BIG movie today.  We got to see Rise of the Guardians.  It was really good and the whole family enjoyed it.  Afterwards we ate some Chick-fil-a and let him ride the carousel.   We came home, took a long nap and headed to VBS.  Two sisters were added to Christ in baptism (love ya’ll Madison and AJ) and then we enjoyed fellowship and homemade ice cream.  It was the perfect day!  We are so blessed!