Today I got to freshen up, by freshen up I mean I found an unused baby wipe.
I no longer need to buy hair styling products…I just hold Everett for a minute and have enough slobber and spit-up to get some good texture in there.
If your mouth ever feels dry hold a drooling baby over your head.
I remember the first night at home with our first baby. I had fed her and changed her and she started to cry…I just looked at Jeff with this sad frustrated look. I have no idea what to do I said? Now, if I don’t hear my child crying I look at Jeff and say I have no idea what to do?
All my life I’ve been told how young I look. Since we’ve had children I haven’t heard that once. I now have more wrinkles under my eyes than a Shar Pei, where’s all that eye cream from when I worked at Clinque?
If I don’t have the lingering smell of spit up on my shirt, I just don’t feel like myself. “Anyone seen my child?”
My dogs don’t recognize me anymore. They are also skinnier and stinkier than before. Who has time for dogs when you have kids running around that need to be bathed and fed? SKINNY, STINKY DOGS FREE TO A GOOD HOME!
If babies are so hungry why do they keep knocking the bottle out of their mouths?
Baby fingernails grow faster than Tim Allen’s beard on the Santa Claus, and they are sharper than dragon claws!
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much. I’m here all week.