Hmmm…what has changed? They warned us in class that there was a “honeymoon period” with foster children. I guess it hits after day 3. Don’t get me wrong Little Bit is not being bad…but she is regressing. I’m so sad for her. She no longer lets me leave the room without her. She is whiny. She is nonstop peeing in her diaper. She actually pooped in it this morning. Oh, and she’s not sleeping.
Yesterday she woke at 6am. She didn’t get a good nap because our stinky dogs barked and woke her up. All day she was whiny and clingy. She kept rubbing her eyes and yawning. We did take her to the park with a friend and she LOVED the swings. She laughed and giggled the whole time, but I could see her head bobbing. I was hoping she’d doze off in the car, but she has yet to do that. When we got home it was already 4:30, and being inexperienced at this mom thing, I didn’t know if it was too late to lay her down for another nap. I did. She slept maybe 30 minutes. Then she wouldn’t really eat any supper. I bathed her and then we put her to bed around 8:30. She woke at 10:30. Oh dear. I tried everything. Laid her in her bed, laid her in mine, laid with her. No matter what I did she only slept for 30 minutes to an hour at a time. We eventually got up at 6am.
No matter how tired I am, those moments spent cuddling (when there’s not an inch between our bodies and she wraps her little arms across me), make everything bad in the world disappear. She pulls me so tight and rests her head beside mine, I feel her fuzzy hair tickling my nose, and know she is somehow happy. She has to know how much we love her and that we’d do anything for her.
I just researched Regression and Attachment with Foster Children, with the diaper wetting and sleep disturbances, it sounds like what she is going through. As a foster parent it is hard for me not to blame myself. I am not her mom. She misses her mom. I probably don’t even have her on the same schedule or foods her mom had her on. We had so little information to go on, how are we supposed to know? We really are just ‘winging it’, using our parental instincts.
I don’t know what the future holds for Little Bit. I know her relatives are working hard to get her back. I pray this is best for her. It has to be. She misses them. I’m going to miss her. I’m so grateful she was our first foster child. I don’t think there is a better baby in the world. We really got eased into this thing with her.
I hope this little bump passes over soon.
On a different note…
One thing that kinda bothers me about being a foster parent is how people look/treat you. Like you are different. They say comments such as, “I don’t know how you do it”, “I could never give them back”, “It sure takes a special person”, “Ya’ll are doing such a great thing”. I know most people don’t mean anything by those comments and you might be reading them wondering why they bother me. Here is why:
We are just a normal married couple.
We aren’t choosing the path of adoption SOLELY based on the fact that we can’t have biological children. Jeff and I from day one of our marriage discussed adoption.
We have no special gifts or talents.
God commands us to take care of the orphans and widows.
If we don’t give these children a home, who will?
These babies are in need. How can I take a sterile approach to their lives.
Just because I don’t necessarily SEE foster children, orphans, the neglected and abused, doesn’t mean they are NOT there!
It is our responsibility to care for these children…they can NOT care for themselves.
They didn’t ask to be here.
They didn’t ask to be mistreated.
All they need is love and care.
How hard is it to open up your home to a child?
A roof, clean clothes, warm food…
These children need you. You might be at a point in your life when your hands are full. Maybe this isn’t the right timing for your family. I know you have to put your family and their needs first. That is what is right. But, if you are in a place right now that you could squeeze one more child in there, I beg of you…open up your homes! There are so many children that need a good, loving place to stay. You might only be able to do respite care (where you give other foster parents a break for a week), that is a wonderful gift you give those foster parents. I know you wouldn’t regret it.
Having Little Bit has been the biggest blessing of our lives. She has shown us unconditional love. She melts our hearts like butter on warm toast. That grin, that giggle, those bouncy curls!
Please contact your local department of human resources, and inquire about being a foster or adoptive parent. I promise you, they need you. In our county we just had to take a 10 week course. Every Monday night for 3 hours. It’s really not that hard. It’s all worth it. The wait for Little Bit was so worth it…even if we don’t get to keep her!
You can check out our adoption timeline if your interested in what we specifically went through for foster classes. Here, here, here, here, are other links about foster care on my blog. Also, I found this helpful link about how to make your foster child’s first day/night great…you can see that here.
And pretty please, if you have any interest in opening up your home to a child in need, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.